I'm so scared!

I graduate in 4 months. I should have been applying to jobs all last semester. But I didn't. So I said I'll do it all over break. Well, break is over. Final semester starts on Monday. I'm sitting here trying to find jobs now. And realizing I have no freaking clue how to search/apply for jobs. This one wants 3 years experience, this company doesn't have anything in my field. Do I apply anyway? What about the companies that I find online? Some of them I can't find a Careers link to even see if they have anything. Do I just send my resume? What on earth do I put in a cover letter? Some of them want a transcript from undergrad. Does it need to be an official transcript? Can I just order one from the registrar and make copies? Can I call or email the company and ask? Or would that screw my chances for even getting an interview? "This girl didn't even know what we want. Does she really think we'd ever be interested in someone like her?" There isn't really anyone I can even talk to about this. Everyone I can think of in my program would start off with, "Why haven't you done it yet? You'll never find something now." And I know why I haven't. I do. I'm so super scared of failure. More correctly, of being a failure. So I put things off. Don't give them 100%. That way, when I fail (ie don't get an A, don't get a job) I can beat myself up for being lazy. If I hadn't procrastinated, if I had done my best, it would have worked out. And as bad as that is, it's much better than the alternative. Which is I do my best, give it my all, 110%, and still fail. 'Cause then it's not because I procrastinated, not 'cause I chose to fail, but because I am a failure. And I'd much rather beat myself up for being lazy and for the things I should have done than actually being a failure. I know the psychology behind it, I do. Still doesn't change what I've done, or haven't done. It's still 4 months to graduation. The only thing I've done is get my CV looking professional. And I just scheduled my Civil Service test. Of course, since I put it off until the weekend before the semester starts, I can't take it here in Philly. Or even in Allentown or Scranton. Unless I want to wait until April, which is even dumber than waiting until now. So I'm taking it in Lock Haven. Feb 10. Have to take work off. But, on the bright side, I got it done. The only other Saturday was Feb 24. Yeah, too bad I'll still be in San Antonio. And there is still the big (okay, I don't know if it's big, I'm just praying it is) Employment forum at the AAFS meeting. Maybe I can find something there. And if I have to stay at NMS Labs for a while, ok. Not the end of the world. Lease goes to August anyway. Just hope I have a chance to stay after graduation. Why did I do this to myself? Again? Now all I want to do is curl up and cry, which is not going to help and is only going to make me feel worse.