Not the post I meant to post

So I didn't blog last week like I said I would. I know. I'll get to it, eventually.

Right now, I need to vent and try to avoid a panic attack. About? $$$$

I totally screwed myself when I went to the dentist to get my root canal finished. Even going to the dental school, without insurance it sucks. $250. And all I had was my debit card. I was under the impression that the $75 I paid the first time was the entire amount. My fault. Completely. But it put a serious crimp in my liquid assets. And liquid is what I need for rent, cable, and credit card payments. I was a bad girl and missed some payments lately so my current minimum payments on a few are not small. Add in the fact that I still have 4 trips home and gas is still icky.....

Speaking of going home, there is all the stuff that I want/need to do for the wedding. I need a haircut and I'm getting my hair done the day of the wedding. I wanted to get highlights, not happening. I want to do the Mystic Tan so I'm not ghostly white, especially with pictures. That is up in the air. Mom, Beki, and I plan to go to Empire Beauty School to get manicures and pedicures the day before the wedding. I was hoping to get acrylics since my nails are so shot from wearing gloves all day at work.

I actually just left a message, well two messages, on my mom's voicemail at work. Yes, it's 3am. I had to ask if I can borrow some cash and I'm too much of a chicken shit to do it later. I know she's gonna ask me where the student loan went and I'm not sure. Car issues didn't help, but I did get a bonus at work, a tax refund, and a check from the insurance company. So the fact that I don't know what happened isn't helping. I know about $300 went to gas and tolls when I was driving 4 hours each weekend for those 2 months. And Christmas presents. And this gas. The money to the dental school. And the $90 for antibiotic and pain pills. And the money for health insurance. Which I can't even really benefit from until I spend $1800. After that I pay nothing. But I don't exactly have the funds to even reach that deductible.

God, I hope I get cash as gifts for my birthday. How freaking sad is that? I'm going to be 27 and I'm hoping for presents. I should be happy if anyone even remembers it's my birthday.

Ok. I need to chill. I just need to take it one day at a time. Work more hours to earn more money. Limit non-essential spending. Pay things on time. Remember that my Zoloft is not a non-essential. As much as the $80 in my pocket would help, I need the chemical help more. I'm sure it's the main reason I'm not a total mess right now. I know that freaking out isn't a solution and will distract me from finding a solution, but that never stopped the panic attacks in the past.

Ok. Enough with the woe is me post. I'm going to try to sleep.