Doing better

Still haven't actually applied for anything yet. I have printed out the transcript request form for undergrad; I'll fax it either tomorrow at FRFRF or Tuesday at work. I'll just get an unofficial transcript faxed to me and included copies with my applications. If they require official ones, I can always order them later. I have to figure out how to write a damn cover letter. And buy the proper paper so I can print out my CV and the cover letter and send them to, well, who ever I can find, at this point. I'll make a bunch of copies of everything for AAFS. Stop, well try to stop, panicking about everything. Nothing says I have to have a "real" job as soon as I get my diploma, right? If I have to stay at NMS, fine. It's not a horrible place to work. And I can always move to a new position, at least apply for one, when one opens up. Hey, one of the girls who graduated with the first class is in pretty much the same job as me, just actually on the forensic side of things. It will be ok. It will be. As long as I keep reminding myself that I know it will be fine, I might be able to get through this semester without going completely psycho.

I'm so scared!

I graduate in 4 months. I should have been applying to jobs all last semester. But I didn't. So I said I'll do it all over break. Well, break is over. Final semester starts on Monday. I'm sitting here trying to find jobs now. And realizing I have no freaking clue how to search/apply for jobs. This one wants 3 years experience, this company doesn't have anything in my field. Do I apply anyway? What about the companies that I find online? Some of them I can't find a Careers link to even see if they have anything. Do I just send my resume? What on earth do I put in a cover letter? Some of them want a transcript from undergrad. Does it need to be an official transcript? Can I just order one from the registrar and make copies? Can I call or email the company and ask? Or would that screw my chances for even getting an interview? "This girl didn't even know what we want. Does she really think we'd ever be interested in someone like her?" There isn't really anyone I can even talk to about this. Everyone I can think of in my program would start off with, "Why haven't you done it yet? You'll never find something now." And I know why I haven't. I do. I'm so super scared of failure. More correctly, of being a failure. So I put things off. Don't give them 100%. That way, when I fail (ie don't get an A, don't get a job) I can beat myself up for being lazy. If I hadn't procrastinated, if I had done my best, it would have worked out. And as bad as that is, it's much better than the alternative. Which is I do my best, give it my all, 110%, and still fail. 'Cause then it's not because I procrastinated, not 'cause I chose to fail, but because I am a failure. And I'd much rather beat myself up for being lazy and for the things I should have done than actually being a failure. I know the psychology behind it, I do. Still doesn't change what I've done, or haven't done. It's still 4 months to graduation. The only thing I've done is get my CV looking professional. And I just scheduled my Civil Service test. Of course, since I put it off until the weekend before the semester starts, I can't take it here in Philly. Or even in Allentown or Scranton. Unless I want to wait until April, which is even dumber than waiting until now. So I'm taking it in Lock Haven. Feb 10. Have to take work off. But, on the bright side, I got it done. The only other Saturday was Feb 24. Yeah, too bad I'll still be in San Antonio. And there is still the big (okay, I don't know if it's big, I'm just praying it is) Employment forum at the AAFS meeting. Maybe I can find something there. And if I have to stay at NMS Labs for a while, ok. Not the end of the world. Lease goes to August anyway. Just hope I have a chance to stay after graduation. Why did I do this to myself? Again? Now all I want to do is curl up and cry, which is not going to help and is only going to make me feel worse.

2007

Happy New Year's everyone. Here's hoping 2007 is better than 2006.

It wasn't the worst year ever, but it sure had its shitty moments. Lost 2 cars, harassed by 2 ex's, multiple panic attacks, insane classes, financial problems, didn't even get interviewed for a job I really really wanted, gained weight instead of losing it.

It had some good things going too. Gained a sister, other sister graduated HS and started college, gained a good friend, got much closer to finishing my degree and getting a life, got the 2001 Neon, was reminded how much my parents love me, finally highlighted my hair.

So, it won't be completely horrible if 2007 is on par with 2006. There is potential for good things. San Antonio, graduation, hopefully a real job. Just please don't be worse. And don't cram all the bad shit into 2 weeks. So Fates? If you're listening? I'd really like March 2007 to be better than March 2006. Please? With sugar on top?

I know, I know

I'm never on here. I never post. But I am now. So be happy for small, well, tiny favors. For starters

Merry Christmas

Christmas was okay. I got a digital camera and printer from Mom and Dad. I found it in a Best Buy ad, called Mom, bought it, and Dad wrote me a check. Also got one for Mom :) Let's see, what else? Cash, gift cards, Microsoft Money 2007 to help me handle my cash, some clothes. The cash is already spent. Mom and I went to Macy's today. I now have a full wardrobe of professional clothes that I can wear to interviews or eventually to court. Amazing deals today. Suit separates, regular price $40 to $59, for $9.99. Yeah, that is not a typo. It was a one day special, 10 bucks. And there were some blouses across the aisle, regular price $18.98, for $9.99. So I got a total of 20 items. $200, not bad, right? Not at all. But it gets better. Opened a Macy's charge. Extra 20% for using a card. Extra 20% for opening a card. So if $200 is not bad, $137 and change is amazing. Even better when you add up the prices on the tags. $804 and change. Geek that I am did the math. I saved 87%!

Okay, what else? Family is good. Certain people still drive me insane. You'd really think I'd remember that even when they act like normal human beings to everyone else, and even in conversations with me, that as soon as I think, hey, normal/civil conversation, they revert back and treat me like crap.

School is fine. This semester was a very long one, but alright. I got 4 A's and 2 B+'s. I somehow managed to get an A in stats. Not quite sure how, but whatever, I'll take it. Just one more semester until graduation. I'm just praying I get a decent job in my field. Of course, it would help if I got off my ass and applied.

Oh yeah. My 1990 Oldsmobile is dead. Yeah, the one I just got in March. Something in the engine. Sounds like it has a handful of Legos in it. But its ok. My new car is sitting outside. 2001 Neon. Dark green. Power locks and windows. A/C, heat, CD player. Huge trunk. HUGE. I could move in this thing. Even with all my crap. I'll post a pic if I can ever get blogger to cooperate. I've tried 6 times so far!

Finally!

The Wreckers

No, I'm not dead

I know, I know. It's been for-fricking-ever since I've posted. So a quick update while I decide if I want to watch tv or go to bed at the first grade time of 10:30.

I didn't get my summer to do list done. In fact, it was barely started. The apartment is better than it was, and I rearranged the living room furniture, but there is still a lot that should be done. The junk closet is still super trashed. But whatever. I have time to organize and sort before I move again.

Classes started this past Wednesday. It's going to be a loooooong semester. Stats is going to be boring, but that's to be expected. I can't fall asleep, though. The instructor is the CEO of NMS Labs. Where I work. Yeah. Forensic Toxicology is split into 2 parts, general tox and then forensic tox. The instructor for the first part is the lab director at NMS and for the second part it's the former CEO and current Chairman of the Board of Directors. And Forensic Biology is taught by 3 people who work in/pretty much run NMS's criminalistic department department, biology division. The area I want to work in. The class is going to kick my ass, but it will be amazing training. It's not just class work, there is lab work too. As Arthur (one of the instructors, who loves Alton Brown, BTW) said, they teach our mind and train our hands.

Let's see. What else? Oh, $$$$. I got a student loan. Well, to be exact, Dad and Mom got a loan for my benefit. We should be able to pay off all of my cards (!) and get my utilities up to date. I'm going to put aside enough cash for the full year's rent and for tuition. Basically, I'll be able to start over with a pretty clean slate. Granted, I'll be paying off the student loans from my way too long college career for the rest of my life. But it's better than credit cards. As long as I behave and just live on what I make, I'll be ok. And I should be able to do that. At least for this semester. I'll be working 25 hours a week. I'm going to try to put some money aside to help me out next semester when I'll only be working 20. That's in addition to the ING account I'm going to open and put about $25 in every month. As long as I don't touch it, I should be able to make it to graduation with out any freak outs.

Ok. That's about it. Think I'm going to go burn some brain cells and play computer games for a while.

Just for Sue

Kitty drugs

Loti was fixed two weeks ago. Finally. Hopefully she will gain some weight and calm down a little bit. She did okay. She was jumping on the window sills and begging to play fetch the day after she came home. I think she pulled a stitch, but she healed fine. We went to the vet's today to have the stitches removed. She was a good kitty. Once we got there, that is. The poor thing hates going in the car. At her best, she sits there panting and drooling. At her worst, she goes frantic clawing at the carrier. And since it is a hard carrier, she winds up with bleeding claws. And this was only a 30 minute drive. By time we got to the office today, her paws and tail were soaked with saliva. I'm taking her home this weekend. At least a two hour drive when it's not a holiday. I asked the vet for any advice and he said tranq her. So I have kitty drugs. Half a pill one hour before departure. 5 pills, 8 bucks, good until 2008. Works for me. I just have to try to make her take the pill with out losing a finger.

I'm always so late with these things.......

And I'm never as clever as Aileen is with her post titles. Or subjects.

But here is the quick replay of Alison's bachorlette party.

It was so much fun. If I knew how to relax, it would have been even more fun. Alison's family was a blast to hang out with, even before we were all smashed. The limo was very cool. I'm glad I didn't have to climb over the seats to get to the front, like Alison did. And if I heard Mom say "I don't know how bridal parties get in and out" one more time, I was gonna kill her. We had dinner at 130 Brixx in Scranton. Really good food. The Buffalo Potato Skins, yummmm. And the nachos are huge affairs. Then we went to an Irish bar, The Banchee. Kinda dead since the semester is over and the place is usually packed with college students. So it was off to Flashbacks. Yes, I danced. And drank. And danced some more. Wish I'd danced more. Or drank more, but it was still a blast. The limo ride home was, shall we say, interesting. The wedding is going to be so much fun with Kathleen and Joann and Leann and Lee. Can't wait for family get togethers at Jimi and Alison's place.

About damn time

I'm finally going to blog about Alison's bridal shower.

It was so hot, but once all the doors were opened we had a nice breeze. Mom and I made 7 types of cookies; we had 6 trays. They were a big hit. So were the wreaths Mom made. She made 9 of them, to pretty much cover the whole year. In addition to that we had 6 gift bags between Mom, Beki, and myself. We were concerned that one person (y'all know who) would cause a scene over something stupid, but luckily we were proved wrong. She just sat there and pretty much pouted for two hours. Not only did she not help set up or clean up, she didn't even say good-bye to Alison. So, whatever. Alison, and Jimi too for that matter, are just glad she didn't make a fuss and hope she does the same thing at the wedding. And they've just moved, so they no longer live right there and hopefully will not have to deal with her shit as often.

So that's about it. Alison got some great gifts, both from her register and not. We got to meet her family and they loved us, and we loved them. This weekend is the bachelorette party. I plan to have a damn good time. I need it.